well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
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Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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