So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
