I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
