I want to have your abortion
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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