Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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