She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
