My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
