I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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