You smell like a Billy Joel song
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
