we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
