Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
