Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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