take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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