I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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