I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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