Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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