Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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