It's Friday. Sex?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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