I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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