i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
