my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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