Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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