i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
