I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My bed smells like the plague
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
