when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
