hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
