I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
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my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
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My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.