I haven't been this sober since birth.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
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I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
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Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday