This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.