There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
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Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....