Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.