I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
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He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
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Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure