its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
