If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Randomize
