fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He felt like a one man threesome
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
