If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize