apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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