i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
