i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
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He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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