You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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