btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
