I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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