It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
