it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
