my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
