This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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