so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
