Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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