the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
