rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
