I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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