last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
