literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
