One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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