FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
