i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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