i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
