The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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