It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
