How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
