If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
