dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
