if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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