I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
