i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
