This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
