I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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