I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
